Bear the Love

I wonder what if someone told you that in 1 year you will move to the city that always inspired you, find a steady boyfriend and get married with children? And the most important – never question if you made a good decision. Maybe you would tell them its impossible and that destiny doesn’t exist…

4 years ago I went to see a football match, alone for 7 days. I was finishing my prolonged college and needed to put it in my map in this crazy world of being overwhelmed, feeling depressed, wondering what will I do in my life? I was always pretty ambitious person who was always lazy and intelligent to always finding a way that leaded me to fulfill my goals and needs with minimum effort. E.g. at college I have always liked to party and then taking 5 days to study 18h per day- instead of studying 1 month in advance. Somehow I had luck as always and passed. My life was always a rollecoster because I am kind of a person who likes to delay things, avoid them, then give 100% when its matter of life and death and it always worked out well… I wonder what would happen if I invest 100% every day?

When I came to a fotball match, I knew only one guy who was here studying and other friend with whom both I have spent summer with in a house of my friend. She invited her colleagues to visit her and approx. we were 4 guys and 3 girls with one couple from all over the world. We had fun. I went crazy about one guy and we had a seceret summer fling. 2 months later I went on another vacation and met them all there again and he was there as well. I came back home in September and have seen Champions League draw. I have bought a ticket and went to see a match for 9 days. I just needed a reason to meet that guy! Our mutual friend didn’t join. I saw this summer guy that I liked 2 times and then met another guy who I started to like and with whom I went to party for 5 days. He told me he came here with a fake ID and that he was cheating people with their credit cards for a living. Dude was so hillarious thay my blonde blue eyed guy just turned me off. I was thinking like what the F….??? This criminal was in my apartment, but he never robbed me. Meanwhile his “friend” texted me one night if I am coming with my boyfiend this new guy. I told him we are not together and that I just had fun with him but that he is cocaine uneducated addict who is not seeiming normal. I even told him I changed my apartment and will go home in two days. This guy inisted that we meet. Since I have been a bit neurotic since my granmother dided 3 weeks before and really sad compensating it with travelling, spending money. I sad to him why not. He told me its a sign because we have origings from the same small country. This guy was nice, tall, good mix of genes, educated, finsihed lawschool and came from a good educated family as me. We were just walking through the city, had some beers, just talked about everything. Then the dude started to roll up his weed on the street and asked me if I want to smoke with him. I was like “I did it 2 times and just felt bad and slept awake, its nothing special but Iets see.” I tried and just fell asleep. Next day we met again with his and mine friend who was 10 years younger, doing an internship and we all got really drunk. I am still in contact with her!! I’ve slept the next day and my flight went away. Yes, it was like a Hangover movie! Except the baby Carlos and the monkey, but nobody was having a bachelor party! I had to stay 3 more weeks. This guy was always at my place untill I went home eventually. 2 months later we stayed in contact and I came back to see him. My life went on and my grief of loss eventually went ok. Somehow when I met him I was seeing a cute dude in his 30ties who had bad job, finished lawschool, smoking pot everyday and I have figured out he was smoking a lot of other stuff too. I felt sorry for him. He was broke and he was after me for having fun, buying him food and stuff and just to cry on someone’s shoulder that he is a looser and that he doesnt talk to his family anymore because he is ashamed, because he was lying to them that he is having great job and life here. And in the end that his friend is buying him food just because he is broke!! Suddenly I’ve just felt pitty for him and started to look at him as a brother, friend not someone I was sleeping with once in a while. I went home. I got worried about this guy because I started to think he was living in the street or just blocked me for no reason.

2 months later I came back again because my friend invited me , my long life firend who moved. I facebooked and stalked this broke guy and he told me that he lost his phone and that we can meet for a drink and go to see a football match. We went. I have smoked weed at Camp Nou and the police was 10m away!! (When I think about it as a mother, I don’t know why the hell I did it. I never enjoyed pot. Second i could have been ended up in a jail with the fine!) He was just smoking his pot and talking how he could move to my country and start a business. That he has no one here, that he doesn’t talk with his family. I was like yeah yeah. I felt sorry for him. I was supportive. I knew he was talking mostly trash, but I wante to give him a chance and be supportive, to wake him up and move. Just move to find a good job in Spain. I went home and 5 months later I got a job and moved permanently here. I was haning out with my friends and didn’t even contact this guy at all. Once he texted how am I. I asked if he wants to talk and meet. He was suprised I have moved here. In the end we met and spent the night together. When I came to his place, there was all full of chocolates, it was a disaster. I knew he had addiction problem but that was too much. Next morning I just went home and it was last time I have seen this guy. 2 weeks later I met my husband who was a normal guy, hardworking, serious and cute. We clicked off instantly. There was no questions if he was into me or not. I didn’t feel pressure. Things went naturally. We didn’t sleep together having sex for two months. Nobody had hurry. It was natural and easygoing. I knew that every friday night we would meet, that he would pick me up on Saturday’s mornings and we would do stuff all the time. Since then I have never ever for the first time analyzed things. I was never talking with my girlfriends much about our private relationship things and went to details as before. Eventually we got married and had a kid. Now we are happy. We have our problems and differences but its hard life with a small baby when both people work.

I remember that once while I was pregnant this dude who smoked pot too much texted me where am I what am I doing that he lost his job… I just wrote him – I am fine, so you do remember me only when you are depressed? I am pregnant and put a smiley face. Day after I told him its not his, hahaha. He never responded back. Everytime I buy a new phone and recover my phonebook I am still seeing his number without any picture and status. Sometimes I wonder if he is still alive or drugs took him. In the end I wrote this story of my life that I don’t think about anymore. Sometimes when I visit some places in this city I don’t even think about or remember anything about it and in the situations like this spontaneous writing, I get sad. Well, whatever happened its not my thing. I have my life fulfilled now. While I am thinking now would it be strange to say if we ever meet that I could take a coffe with this guy and just be friends? Is it possible to love someone as a brother after being sexually involved? I think yes…

Its funny how in life… you have ups and downs but right things come when you don’t expect them. Yes, I was a “whore” before getting married. I was dating many guys, I was spending a lot of MY money to just enjoy and not care. But the thing is that I didn’t waste my life being miserable and juding everybody else for my failures. Our life is just ours and we are the only ones that set the limits and move on.

Its also funny in a life how people just think they are allowed to give you small pieces of themselves and expect that your are their lucky fix who will keep them happy whenever they feel down. Its funny how the first guy from this story the “summer” guy who was hot and cold with me… he was the first guy who texted me when I gave a birth on Facebook and even put the public comment. I was dying laughing… so all is allowed in war and love I guess as they say. People do irrational things and expect all, people are egoists in both ways. I was also the one egosit as well in this stories I have wrote. I did need somebody to make me feel good as they did.

If someone tells me that love is pure and not selfish. In my 30 years of life, being married now I can assure at least for myself that I agree. With my husband I didn’t need a shoulder to cry, I didn’t need a friend to comfort me and listen to me. I just needed someone to waste my time with doing nothing, be comfortable without talking too much, complicating things. Just to live in the moments and enjoy it because Monday and Sundays were days to work and have time alone! Just to breath and not to think about anything. I love taking a coffe with him and just not to talk, just breath and talk with our kid. We talk enough at home, but when we watch TV, eat outside, walk outside we are quite and I love it.

Tortilla Española

I sometines wonder why Salvador Dali has been obsessed with eggs. When I was 18, I was i Figueras and visited his museum. All i was seeing was eggs and clocks with his unshaved wife Gala photos!

When I stopped thinking that there is more to life then Sangria and fiesta, I have became fascinated to discover that he was actually painting mathematical forumulas and laws physics and that there is more that you can see with a bare eye. Unfortunately it was too late to see it again as I have been on the 10 day trip. I have decided that one day I will.come back and move to Barcelona. Guess what I did it! So dreams do come true if you get a chance and opportunity that you make for yourself.

When you visit Spain you must try tortilla española and there is a million recepies all over the country. In the restaurants or bars you can see them exposed as a big yellow cakes! I assume Mr. Dali really loved it too as he paints eggs melting and the clock. Time is the most important thing when making tortillas. 1 minute more and its burned. You can not see whats down there as is thick.

Every sunday morning we go out for a walk and eat breakfast outside. I have tryed various of tortillas but I sware I never tried one good enough to swept me off my feet! Basically they are unsalty, pale and look uncooked, but its eatable. Also keep in mind that these big yellow cakes don’t seem oily but jn restaurants they put 1 l of oil inside!! They are silent killers, so try them in Spain but dont eat too much and you never know as they leave them on the room temperature exposed. Who knows how long they are there and j what oil gave they been cooked. But some palce do it fresh in their small pans!

Once I have tried tortilla that my colleague made for his birthday and it was pretty good. So I wanted to make my own. I wen to google and looked for tortilla española. I was shocked how much oil goes inside.

First try- garbage. Second try eatable but do not give it to the baby! I have almost given up onto it but then I have bought a smaller pan and since I have invested I didn’t google any more I made it by my own guts. And it works brilliantly!! In your face Spaniards!


Put the oil, potatos which have been chopped as chips for 30 mins then take them out and put on the paper. Recepies said to put out the oil and then put it back when you add eggs just as much as you need. (this is important).

Add onions and potatoes back and 4- 5 eggs whisked in a bowl, not 8 as they claim.

So I did it! Its was smelling good. I added my secret spices and then I have bloody panicked. How to turn it???? I remebered my mom put always the lakte inside the pan and turned it, so i did it and put it back for 2-3 mins.

Taste was lovely. My husband said its the best he ate! I try to cut down the oil. Original recipes say you need to put more then 700 ml of oil inside. I put less, less then a cup!

Lets watch futbol now and shitty Barca how will they start loosing soon. Messi is moving to Torino. Vampire Suarez is injured.

Organic Clock

I have never ever planned exactly what to cook day by day e.g. like my mother. I always have stuff in fridge that are the basics of healthy diet with kid includes – read full fat diary products and proteins filled vegetables and products.

My mom was at home. We used to wake up in the morning, go to the supermarket then she cooked always fresh food. Lunch was always at 14:00

I work the whole week then I come home around 16, pick up my kid, go to park, give her snacks, come home, make fresh juices for all and we chill. I stopped cooking at night everyday since she is older. I make “soups”. Delicious soups! How?

Well I put meat in water and spices to cook with tomatoes, carrots, green stuff all kind if greens, parsley, garlic, onions, curcuma. After 30 mins e.g i take out the whole chicken breasts, blend the vegetables, cut the chicken boobs and mix it in all then i add pasta before serving. Its the only vegetable dish my daugther wants to eat. When it cools down after 2 hours before sleep i put it in the fridge for 2-3 days. Usually on Wednesday, Thursday I cook something fast as wok when she goes to sleep. On Friday night we date at home and i order oh he buys something. Saturday’s i am pushing some meals which she doesn’t want to eat, little by little they say…

Sometimes i starve her and put her to nap without eating lunch around 12 if she doesn’t want to even try it. When she wakes up she doesnt want either even to try. Then I need to wait, negotiate. And she eats or just eats fruits or yogurt with some proteins. I even serve everything, we cook together, mostly its doesn’t work immediately. Patience they say… 👌👌

Today was one of the day I have made thing above. I have forgot I have mangel and yogurt that will expire in couple of days!!!! As it was 5 and we have a dish for tupper tomorrow I was thinking to put it all in the owen somehow. But I have googled mangle tart?? I saw some photos… and I have had chickpeas flour…

I have put the flour, salt and powder yeast together added olive oil and some warm water, left it on a radiator.

In another bowl I have put cooked and knife chopped mangel, yogurt and 2 eggs, adfed dry parsley and garlic. With chease topping.

Put it all in a cake mold at 180c untill it seemed cooked!

My daugther was exicted. I gave them… she didn’t want to try and he said it was brilliant and it was! My daugther doesn’t like mixed colours or ingredients together on a plate!! How long?

Maybe its time for me to stop cooking with the flow where I never know what is on the menu untill I start to open the fridge and make magic with food that got in by chronological order.

Maybe I should buy food and organize it by days, write my recepies and diet plan to get in shape and eat healthy. Cut the portions of the plates and serve myself on plates and bowls of my kid 👏🏻👏🏻. I have started this blog mostly because I wanted to have a memo and inspire myself to bare day by day life with work and small kid. I was always a kind of a person who gets her answers by writing notes to myself here.

Tiny Tinchi

Hi mom!

Sometimes I wonder how will you look like when you will be 16 slamming the door and saying” Toma por culo!”…

I wonder if I will live long enough to see you grow up in 14 years from now 🥰🥰.

This is how FaceApp is saying you will look like.

You know that you can always count on me and that I will be always there for you.

I know you are only 2 and a half and that sometines we have our differences, but we both are doing what is best for us. At least you listen to me. I just wish you could eat vegetables that are not liquid, I wish you wont tell me ewwww to everyhting that is not chocolate. Sometimes I feel like Marie Antoinette telling you: “let them eat cake!”, sometimes I am too strict. Its the way life goes. Its mother’s instinct-> bitching up!

After having a kid i have realized that in life you can not plan. You can just pack cookies, water, liquid fruits and take a walk, go to the park and enjoy the sun and smell the scent of the Mediterranean. I’ve realized you can just leave kids to do what they want in park and pray they wont bleed. I realized the best way is to just to leave them in the kindergarten and go without looking back. And yes when they trick you and manipulate you to play stupid sometimes and give them that thrill that they feel like they have won the battle but not the war!!

So untill you will steal my Dior mascara and lipstick I am thr boss and I know I am doing the best for you. I am happy that motherhood gave me confidence, joy and getting to know myself. Putting somebody else first. 👌

I am looking forward to the days when we will cook together, buy clothes together and grow as persons together getting to know each other and ourselves. That is what life is about. That is what my quest as a mother is. To discover ourselves and be the best as we can in this short life. Having some morals and dignity being kind, being pretty, being confident, work hard and be independent, be ourselves and free.

Muffin tops


What is a muffin without the top? Nothing! Nobody wats the rest? Well you don’t eat the rest if you don’t put a secret in the rest and a melting chocolate perhaps? Jerry, you failed 🙂

So today we have been outside inhaling osme oxygen after a week of wind, rain, stroms, sick leave.

After eating a chinese food and walking throught our beautiful home city, walking to the metro station infont of Gaudi’s house….I have got an inspiration and idea to do the muffins for the second time in my life.

For the muffin base, my daugther started to use the electric mixer for the first time holding it with me and she did ok and then got distracted and quit. We have put butter, sugar, eggs, cocoa powder, flour… Then I didnt know what the hell to do more as she was running around the house and I was alone. So I have managed to stop and played with her in her room to keep her colouring the magic washable drawing blanket.

“Drawing blanket- all kind of blanket”

I didnt know what to do now back in the kitchen… I have opened the fridge and seen stwarebrrys which I have forgot we have. Then I have remembered to call my mom! And ask her how to do the eggs whites foamy foam (since i know it needs to be baked for hoursss at low heat.

Well she didnt respond. I just mixed eggs whites and put 3 table spoons of sugar, after 10 minutes of baking my muffins I have chilled them out, putted the swaraberry foam and voila!

10 mins at low degree, 5 mins at 177 celsius and voila! (I love mess and Messi! I won’t publish clean photos with all OCD stuff, angles, lights-nobody cares!!! When you have a kid you learn in life, that YOU and nobody else actually cares, especially when you live in Spain-throw the iron throught the window because people dont care, they dont iron, they actually live!)

My daugther of course didn’t eat much, she was picking on with her fingers the decoration and chocolate that was melting from the center!

Well I dont give a damn! My husband loved them, I loved them. I love foamed muffins there were metling in the mouths with chocolate volcano errupting from the middle souranded by supper melting chocolate biscuit and strawberry light sweet foam.

The smell of these strawberries is unforgetfull. I know they were grown somewhere under the plastic garden, with custom grown bumblebees from Poland that cost less then 1 EUR per piece. Who knows if they are actually “healthy” but anyway i do not care so much.. The smell, the taste…in winter is inspiring and nice… Well hell yeah, my daugther didnt even try them, of course. She is a princess and hates to eat, recently. She eats just soups or juices and crunchy cereal products. In the kindergarten they say she eats all always and is good.. Well, she never eats those stuff at home. Good crounchy vegteables, fruits…Lets talk with them tomorrow.

2 and a half years in 1 month-> Queen is sabotaging MOM as always..well they say 5 more months…

Good luck to us! At least she likes to bake and is mixing perfect with her hands, manual whisker and the bowl. I was suprised how she did it for the first time, like she was doing it forever.